so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My cat gives me a boner
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
