Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Floor bacon is actually really good
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
