Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
