I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
