wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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