If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
