The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
