you're like a bully in the Christmas story
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
