this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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