I need help removing her.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
