how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
babies were throwing up all over the place
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
