okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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