new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
