you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
