apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
