soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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