The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
