We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
