girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
