I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
