Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
