i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
