Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize