you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
