Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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