he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize