Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
