if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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