haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
