in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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