I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
they need to just BURY HIM!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
