you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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