if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can you bring me the toilet please
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
