I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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