So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize