totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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