How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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