i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
In other news, I just burned my penis
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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