Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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