I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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