so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
