I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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