Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
