I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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