remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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