I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
