I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
