I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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