he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I cut my penus on the lid.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
