i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
