he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
