since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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