the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
