My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
