just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
