so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
