I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
