He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
