I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
