Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I got inside last night via doggy door
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
