And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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