wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
