i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
