I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I want a musical about memes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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