2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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