I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i think i just lost a toe
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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