got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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