He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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