I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize