Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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