I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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